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Most people are undisturbed when light enters or exits. But depression, delusion, and insomnia become pervasive in photophobia for me. Certain colors of light flare up and envelope my body in a hardening sap. My shoulders shirk, and my arms, neck, and legs feel like they're fixed in a binding.

There are periods when the space around me takes on an aura of jagged shapes and sharp, searing colors. I walk around, and the buildings, concrete, green grass, and sky cause a feeling deep in my chest, telling me I don't belong. My surroundings feel like they've been replaced by a replica or an unsettling and uncanny false model. The Earth I'm thrust into is like serenity inverted—and in great disarray.

My life as I see it has been an odyssey compared to what I had known as a sixteen-year-old, given the impossible diagnosis of schizophrenia. I never envisioned being as old as I am, and I've learned that even though memories fade, my past will unfold in a continuous push into the future if I let it.

Thought disorder disrupts the flow of regular thinking and communication processes, causing widespread dysfunction that extends to emotions, behavior, and a developing a sense of self. Read more about how thought disorder affects those with schizophrenia.

Yes, schizophrenia can be on a spectrum. In fact, a set of disorders related to schizophrenia make up the spectrum developed by the current medical community in many different disciplines.

I’m destined in this place to suffer and vacillate in anguish. My body is being pulled apart in a chair that tightens if I rest, as a clutter of voices overcomes my hearing. I struggle against what feels like shards pushing around my body, attempting to break free.